Since my late teens, as regards my music, I began a persistent sabotage on my being, deeming me a failure for never becoming musically famous on the scale I thought I should have. I thought in order to be worthwhile and successful I had to become a famous, lauded musician. I thought because I had the talent I should be famous, if I’m being true to my gift. This is a hard tower for me to fell!
A couple weeks back I met with a counselor – ostensibly due to family tensions over our son’s technology use – and found myself leaving with a hopeful new idea – I could ‘redefine success.’ WHAT? She reflected back that a person who thrives on alone time might not be the typical personality for becoming famous in an occupational vein demanding time with others, surrounded by big groups, socializing, networking and the like. That just because we have talent doesn’t mean only one measure of that talent is a meaningful measure of success. WHAT?
These past couple weeks I’ve invited that foreign idea in and am discovering something: the most important thing to me has been being present for my children’s growing as much as possible. For better (and worserer, my kids might attest to) I’ve been successful at it. Also for better and worse I’ve worked at sublimating my rampant self-centeredness (which my husband may or may not attest to) and find myself in a marriage evolving overall in varying degrees of peace, friendship, understanding and laughter. Pretty nice. And along with those successes, I continue the good fortune to be able to be of some musical service to others in ever widening ways – and keep on working at it.
So – I guess, no – I won’t be as famous as Michael Jackson – but I am as successful as me – and maybe that’s all I’ve ever wanted – WHAT?